• Lee

Calling out your Friend

As I have mentioned in previous episodes, being able to call out your friend is one of the reasons why you are their friend. Yes, it comes with the friendship contract and if you are not doing it, you’ve got to step up your game. Your friend relies on you to let them know of their mistakes and BS because no stranger is going to walk up to them and tell them to their face. It may hurt them a bit but if you do not correct their bad attitude today, they might disgrace themselves in front of very important personalities in the future and be embarrassed and hurt. If you have a good relationship, you can call them out quickly on their wrongdoings but DO NOT do so in public that is why you are friends. Correct the person when you both are alone. This will allow the person to really think about it and know that you actually care about them. When they feel hurt, just give them some time to process what you said and hopefully, they get to understand you and tell you they appreciate the correction. We all are childish at some point so give them space to understand what you said. However, after your correction, the ball is in their court to continue the friendship.

For those of us who happen to be in friendships where we feel calling the other party on their BS will result in a big issue, we still have to tell them but in a stepwise manner. Again, in the end, the ball will also lie in their court to continue the friendship but you will feel good knowing that you have done what you were supposed to do.

The first step is to make sure you are in a private space. People can feel embarrassed when corrected and even more so when others are present. So for the best results, you better keep it down.

The second step is to let your friend know how much you value them and the relationship. You can do this anyhow either by treating them to a meal, sleepover, just saying it or whatever it is y’all do. This is just to remind them that whatever it is you are about to do is because you love them and not because you are a jealous bitch who wants to steal their shine. Most people you correct feel this way so brace yourself.

The third step is to bring up the issue and ask them why they did what they did. This will allow them to process their own actions in a calm state. Some may recognize that their actions/ reactions were uncalled for while others will seem indifferent. Both are good.

The fourth step will be to offer your perspective and advice on the issue. While doing this, do not sound judgmental or your advice will be taken the wrong way. Allow them to see from your lens why what they did was wrong.

The final step is to reassure them of the value of the friendship to you and that you are also open to criticism.

If your buddy is childish, they are going to try and get back at you for correcting them so be ready. However, after taking these steps, the next time you want to correct them, follow just step 1 and step 4. Don’t bother going through the whole process unless you feel it’s necessary.

Friendship is a two-way street and it is not as easy to get someone who likes to be corrected and someone who likes to correct in a constructive manner so value it.

Let me know what you think.

Remember, it’s always you and us.

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